Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
