dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
