before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
