He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
