i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
