i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
