he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
