I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
