The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
