I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
