dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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