just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
