he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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