I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
