dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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