I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
