It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
