We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
