Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
