they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
