Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
