I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
