You smell like stripper and shame
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
