and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
