I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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