yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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