Apparently you make a good broom.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
