I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
