I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
