why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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