First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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