I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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