I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize