I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
