Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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