i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Houston, we have a squirter
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
