shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
