she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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