3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
