A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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