I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
