What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
