I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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