someone get that fucking seahorse.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
