my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
