She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
