i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
