I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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