she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
