what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
