I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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