Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
