Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize