Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
