i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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