I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize