I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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