dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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