He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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