I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
