You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
