I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
