get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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