well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
