I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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