I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
