I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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